


Secret Chocolates

by Scmnz



Category: Discworld - Terry Pratchett
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Magic, OOC maybe, Unrequited Love, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-15
Updated: 2017-02-15
Packaged: 2018-09-24 13:57:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9747527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scmnz/pseuds/Scmnz
Summary: A magical incident at UU leaves the city in chaos and could cause one secretary's long hidden feelings to be discovered this Valentine's day.





	

The wizards at Unseen University would take any excuse to have a feast. Valentine’s day was no exception. The halls were covered by cheesy paper hearts, and there was an embarrassing amount of pink around. Valentine’s was still a couple days away, but the anticipation was already rising among the faculty. Several sat in the board room discussing the plans for the feast. As older wizards often do, they had wandered off topic and begun to grumble about how much better things had been when they were young.

 

“People were far more romantic in my day. Young people now are just too materialistic.”

 

“I’ve heard people aren’t getting each other chocolates to save money, unforgivable!”

 

“Yes, yes! It is unforgivable.”

 

Ponder couldn’t help being pulled into the conversation, despite his best efforts. “I thought you said they were too materialistic. Surely then they _shouldn’t_ give each other things?” The other wizards stared at him for a couple seconds, then returned to their grumblings like he had never spoke.

 

“There must be a way to make things like they were in the past. People not exchanging candy or cards is ridiculous. Something must be done.” Always a worrying sentiment coming from a wizard.

 

“Part of the problem,” one wizard observed, “is that these young people are afraid to tell each other they like them.”

 

“There must be something we can do. Let’s find out. To the library!”

 

* * *

 

The patrician of Ankh-Morpork stared coolly at the Arch chancellor. “I’m told earlier today there was some sort of explosion in your library. A few individuals claim they saw a pink cloud raise above the university and spread across the city. And then of course we all saw the “rain” of glitter.”

 

 Ridcully shifted uneasily, beginning to sweat. He stood ramrod straight in front of the desk. Lord Vetinari sat behind the desk, hands clasped and his eyebrow characteristically raised. Across the oblong office Drumknott sat at his own desk, working on paperwork.

 

“Am I to expect some kind of magical trouble Mustrum? Monsters perhaps?” The eyebrow lifted even higher.

 

“Not trouble per se Havelock. Not exactly trouble.” The arch chancellor took a deep breath. He’d delivered much worse news to the patrician. He hadn’t died then so he wouldn’t be killed now. Probably. “A spell was cast that will force people to give chocolates to the person they love the most. This will happen on Valentine’s day, and it appears there’s no way to resist or stop the spell once it’s in motion.”

 

Drumknott felt himself go slightly numb upon hearing this. through the haze he heard his lordship say “So people with unrequited loves, or who keep their feelings secret to protect the other person?”

 

“Will be forced to give chocolate as well. But they don’t have to be given in person. The giver can keep themselves secret.” Vetinari nodded. “It certainly could be something far more dangerous my Havelock.” Ridcully grinned, relieved at how well this had gone.

 

“Oh this sounds extremely dangerous” Vetinari said as he leaned over his desk. “Romance can make people behave most irrationally. This could cause chaos for the city. But don’t let me detain you. No doubt you have chocolates to prepare Mustrum.”

 

The wizard left the room, and as he did, Drumknott felt himself begin to shake. He had managed to keep his secret so far, but his lordship was a keen observer. He would be sure to realize some of the chocolates he received came from his secretary. Drumknott valued Lord Vetinari’s respect more than anything, and the fact that he had done something so unprofessional as fall in love with his boss would surely lose him that respect. He was content with his life, happy as things were. He had become sort of a confidant to the patrician. And this, this would ruin everything. Curse those wizards.

 

Drumknott quietly excused himself and left the office. He found a small corner far away from everyone, and fought to gain his composure. Perhaps the older man would be kind, and pretend not to know who the chocolates were from. Perhaps he already knew the secretary’s feelings and was just showing the grace of not mentioning it. Or just maybe, if Drumknott played this smart he could manage to give the chocolates secretly.

 

* * *

  


Drumknott had only one friend growing up. He never felt the need for more. His name was Patrick, although almost no one called him that. Patrick worked in the palace kitchens, and everyone called him mum. This was because you could bring him a recipe, and he’d be able to make it so that the food tasted just the way your mum’s cooking tasted.

 

Drumknott explained the situation, leaving out who his secret love was. “So you’re telling me you plan to give this person the candy without being found out, but how do I come into this Rufus? Unless the person works in the kitchen I don’t see how I can help.”

 

“It’s simple, I need to make the box and the chocolates be very unlike something I would give. Perhaps that can keep the person from realizing they come from me. And I’m not the type of person who would make homemade candy as a gift. The only problem is that I can’t cook… So I thought maybe you could help me make them?”

 

With the help of his friend Drumknott managed to make delicious, if overly sugary, chocolates. They weren’t very neat, some even had crooked lines on them. This drove the secretary mad, but made them something he never would willingly show anyone. So, hopefully, his lordship wouldn’t think of the spectacled man at all when he saw them, or if he did only to think how much he would hate them. The chocolates were put into a plain black box, if they were in something pink in frilly that might be so different from Drumknott as to make it obvious they were his.

 

He carried them to the entrance of the castle. There, several baskets had been placed to receive the hundreds of gifts Vetinari would undoubtedly receive. There were just so many older women (and men) who admired him. Some of the baskets were already beginning to fill. With so many, hopefully his lordship wouldn’t even look at all the gifts. With that done, all Drumknott could do was wait in terror for Valentine’s day to come.

 

* * *

 

It was Valentine’s morning. One way or another, Drumknott would see if he managed to keep his feelings hidden. He knocked on the door. “Enter” he heard from the other side.

 

Slipped through the door and set the tea tray on the patrician’s desk. Lord Vetinari picked up the Ankh-Morpork times and began flipping through. “What did I say? Chaos.” he murmured. “Husbands angry their wives didn’t give them chocolates, husbands angry other men gave their wives chocolates, people upset that they didn’t get them from enough people.” He turned several more pages. “The list just keeps going.”

 

Drumknott walked over to his desk and stopped, blinking. Four boxes of candy sat on his desk. He never even thought he would receive one. “This is just… Impossible. Why would anyone have feelings for someone as dull and ordinary?” Shaking his head he pushed the gifts to the side. He would take a close look at them later. For now there was work. “They’re probably just pranks anyway.” He sighed.

 

“You really think so?” Vetinari raised in eyebrow. “I think you're wrong about that.”

 

“Sir?” Drumknott raised an eyebrow of his own.

 

“You say you are dull and ordinary. I must disagree. I know very few people as straight forward and organized as you. If that is ordinary, then there are almost no ordinary people on the disc. As for dull, you are full of surprises.”

 

“Well I… Thank you? I think.” Drumknott frowned. He closed his eyes and gave in, pulling the boxes to him to look at more closely. One in particular caught his eye. It was pure black. Curiously he pulled open to lid to see a red heart painted on the other side. The chocolates were fairly nondescript but somehow just felt really expensive. It was the sort of gift only someone very powerful could get his hands on… The secretary blinked and looked up.

 

Vetinari was staring at him. He reached behind him and into a basket sitting by his desk and pulled out… Oh gods. It was a black box. But that didn’t mean anything, there were hundreds of black boxes. One sat on Drumknott’s desk for crying out loud. The box was the same size as the one the secretary had used. “Truly full of surprises.” the dark haired man murmured. Drumknott gulped and glanced from the box on his desk to the box in his boss’s hand. And then finally his eyes met Vetinari’s.

 

After a long moment Lord Vetinari spoke quietly. “I am intensely fond of you Rufus. Do you perhaps want to…” He went quiet, which was most unlike him. He almost looked nervous? “Would you like to dine with me this evening Drumknott?”

 

“Only as long as you aren’t making fun of me, or doing this out of pity.” He couldn’t believe this was happening. The secretary might have thought it was a dream if he wasn’t such a rational person, but could think it was a trick of some kind.

“I would never be so unfair to you young man, to ask you if I wasn’t completely certain. I’ve been debating doing something for a long time. But seeing this” the patrician lifted the candies from Drumknott “made up my mind. You went through so much effort, just so I wouldn’t think less of you. Isn’t that right.” Drumknott nodded. “If anyone finds out, you’ll be in danger. They’ll try to use you to hurt me. But if you’re sure, meet me an hour after we finish work, in that private dining room on the fourth floor.”

 

Drumknott nodded, heart beating so fast he thought it might explode. By the time that he was heading to meet his lordship that evening the reality of what was happening had set in. Havelock Vetinari, for whatever mad reason, returned his feelings. Drumknott blushed and smiled as he opened the doors to the dining room.

**Author's Note:**

> Drumknott's friend Patrick might have been inspired by another character in a fic i read a long time ago. I'm not entirely sure. if he sounds too much like someone else's character let me know and i can try to change him.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this cliche little mess of mine no matter how ooc it ended up being, and I hope you had a good valentine's day. 
> 
> If you notice any mistakes in this please let me know. I haven't gotten much sleep since I was trying to make sure I got this done at least by the end of the day.


End file.
